Thursday, 23 January 2014

No More Baby's after 30 .....

I have stopped and started this post more times than I care to mention.... Sometimes I seem to write the perfect post in my head but when it comes to writing it down it never seems to be the same.

I didn't know where to start, so I am starting from the beginning....

I am so blessed to have 4 beautiful daughters. I had my first daughter aged 19, my second at 21 and 3rd at 25.. These pregnancies where beautiful I loved being pregnant and my labours were really good.

To say it was a shock when I found out I was pregnant again when my 3rd child was 4 months old, was an understatement !! However I loved the thought of having another child so close together.. however a month into the pregnancy I started bleeding, this bleeding persisted and ended up clotting in my womb it almost looked as though I was having twins.. the clot grew and at times was double the size of this tiny baby .. 
I knew that this pregnancy was 50/50 , that was tough I needed rest but with 3 young children it was hard.. I spent a lot of time in hospital , we did find out that this tiny baby was a boy :) we couldn't be happier..
My joy soon to despair and heartbreak as i went into premature labour at 26 weeks my baby boy was stillborn , perfect in every way weighing 1lb.. 

The months after loosing my son were a blur and I am not sure how I got through it,  but I knew I had to my girls needed me and I needed them .

In 2010 almost 2 years after my tragic loss, I conceived again, this time though there was no joy only possibilities of the unknown , how could i love another little being growing inside of me not knowing what the outcome could be ?? 
The bleeding started not long into the pregnancy, only this time it was worse, I was devastated, scans showed that i had once again clotting in my womb, I was giving the option of aborting the pregnancy .. I refused, deep inside I knew that this would be the last time..
Somehow I managed to get to 30weeks, and then 34 weeks, my water broke I was admitted to hospital I had steroid injections to help this tiny baby just before 35 weeks my contractions started, I ended up having an emergency c-section .... 
My tiny baby girl was born healthy at 4lbs, we celebrated her 3rd birthday last Friday.

Something happened to  my body during these last 2 pregnancies, my periods became heavy, longer and painful.. I made the decision to be sterilized, knowing i would never want to go through another pregnancy, I just couldn't cope with the mental torture of the uncertainty..

I also had another procedure, Endometrial ablation to help with the heavy bleeding, which was successful but after the bleeding stopped I developed constant pain, almost like "after birth" pains almost everyday..

Fast forward to today, tomorrow I am having an Hysterectomy, as I am left with no other option.. My Consultant thinks I am a little young to be having this procedure, but the pain is too much. I am so lucky to have my girls especially the youngest , for me my family is complete as it can be.. Always in my heart I will know that I should have a 5 year old boy running round but he will forever be in my heart.. 

The next 6-7 weeks are going to be hard as I recovery from my operation, but for my own health and quality of life I know that I am making the right decision. 

I hope that my story will help other mommys, who may be going through a similar situation ..

If you have any comments or questions please ask or email me ..

Thank you for reading 

Claire xo


  1. Oh I knew I should have waited to read this, now my eyes are red from tears. I'm not sure what words of comfort I can offer or if there is any. I can't even imagine what you went through with your son claire. Or what you're going through now. I just know that one day you will be with your son again and I am praying so hard for you. I'm so happy your 5th child survived and that you can experience life with her, even if you do have an ache in your heart because your son should be here. You are so brave for sharing your story. I hope it helps many woman in the sam situation. Sending you all my lovw. Xoxoxo.

  2. Oh Claire, I feel really bad that I went on about giving birth now I know what your surgery is for. I had a miscarriage 3 years ago and feel very lucky that I have made it to full term this time and being induced on Saturday. I hope that your surgery goes well, you don't have to spend too much time apart from your girls and you are able to move on with on your life. Sending you big hugs for tomorrow. x

  3. Praying you have a safe surgery and a speedy recovery.

  4. I have no words...just prayer...lots of prayers for you.

  5. I'm so sorry for you. :( I've had one miscarriage and had some of the other problems you mentioned. My ablation was this past October. I will pray for an easy recovery....hugging your little ones a little tighter might help. :)

  6. Sending you positive energy & prayers. Stay strong & hold onto those smiling faces that fill your home & heart :). ~ jodie

  7. I feel your pain. I've had 3 miscarriages and some of the problems you've experienced.
    Praying for a quick recovery.

    Hi! I'm a new follower of your lovely blog via GFC.
    Have a nice day!

  8. Sending prayers your way and hopes for a speedy recovery. xoxo Shelly

  9. Thank you for sharing your very personal story with us. Your operation will be fine. My housekeeper had the same operation last Thursday. She got the staples out today and is feeling fine. She said the pain was quite bad when she woke up from the operation but the nurses gave her plenty of pain medication. Now, she is only taking Tylenol. She does not need anything stronger. She is off work for six weeks to let her body completely heal. Again, thanks for sharing your story with us.